Archive for March, 2008


My Xbox is Confused… Fuck

March 30, 2008


This is what I see when I put Call of Duty 4 into my Xbox 360. It’s also what I see when I put in Bully: Scholarship Edition, and Army of Two, and Guitar Hero III. WTF?! Come on Microsoft! I thought we were done with this shit! I watched Black Snake Moan with my girl last night (great movie BTW,) and then went to bed. Woke up this morning afternoon, walked her to her car and came back to get in some COD4 before starting up my laundry.

Naturally I just powered up my 360 and went down to the bottom to launch the game forgetting Black Snake Moan was still in there. So I watched a part that I really liked again then took it out and put COD4 back in. Disc launches, and I see that screen up there. Ok, maybe I confused it. I did just open the drive, take out the DVD and put in the game. Go back to the dashboard, launch the game… same thing. Hmmmm. Turn off, turn back on, launch game… this isn’t looking good. Turn off, pull out power cable, plug back in, turn on, launch game… I’m starting to get nervous. Turn off, unplug, take off hard drive, plug back in, leave hard drive off, turn on… FUCK!

Call Microsoft, I get transferred to some woman in India who can’t hear me. I’m not in the mood and really, I don’t have a problem with her being Indian, but come on now, I’m already pissed because my Xbox has to go out for repairs, and you transfer me to someone who doesn’t understand what I’m saying. I’m sure if I was calling to order something I’d get someone in Washington with a major in spoken English.

So I apologize as politely as I can and say I want to speak to someone who’s first language is English so we don’t keep going through this “What? Huh? I didn’t understand.” game. So she transfers me… to someone else in India. At least this guy can understand what I’m saying, he must be the guy that gets every call like mine.

So he wants to walk me through all the bullshit I’ve already done, but he’s gotta read from his script. I keep breaking into his script to tell him I’ve already tried these things and to find something new. Give me some secret combo of buttons to press that will force it to run a diagnostic. Tell me if I hold it at a certain angle while opening the disc tray it will force it to reset itself… ANYTHING! No, he just keeps reading the “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

So in short, I’ve got an empty box on it’s way to my job that if I’m lucky, will get there on Friday when I have the day off to wait for the cable guy to come. It’s not looking good that I’ll have an Xbox on April 29th when GTAIV comes out. FUCK!


Time for a new haircut

March 23, 2008

I May Be Going to Hell

March 16, 2008

[16:26] Me: hey, you do the broadway show thing right?
[16:27] Friend: no
[16:27] Me: damn, my girl has a friend coming to town and they wanna abuse broadway but aren’t sure of the best way to get tickets
[16:27] Friend: your girl?
[16:29] Me: yeah, the russian bride I bought online, didn’t I tell you about Ilona?
[16:29] Friend: no
[16:29] Me: damn, I thought I told everyone
[16:30] Me: bitches come cheap now a days, $500 for their family and a lifetime of broken english fuckin, dumbass spitzer paying $4300 per fuck, dumbass
[16:30] Friend: are you kidding?
[16:31] Me: hardly!  chicks got a body like a super model, barely speaks english, fuck her good enough and she starts spouting shit off in russian, super hot
[16:31] Friend: really?
[16:31] Me: yes really, russian boobs are the best I gotta say
[16:32] Friend: i’m at a loss for words.
[16:32] Me: really, why?
[16:32] Friend: well i just didn’t think you’d need to BUY a girl.
[16:32] Friend: you married now or something?
[16:33] Me: not yet, it’s like a trial period for 3 months to decide if I can put up with her
[16:33] Friend: and you love her?
[16:33] Me: not at the moment but workin on that
[16:34] Friend: so strange
[16:34] Friend: it’s like everyone i know is doing this shit now
[16:34] Friend: don’t you think it’s a bit drastic?
[16:34] Me: really?  who else is doing it?  what site did they use?
[16:34] Friend: no idea
[16:35] Me: I went here
[16:35] Friend: and they fell in love
[16:35] Friend: show me yours
[16:36] Me: one sec
[16:36] Friend: i want to see a photo of llona
[16:37] *** Me wants to directly connect.
[16:37] *** Friend is now directly connected.
[16:37] Me: {Pic Removed}
[16:37] Me: that was the pic from the site
[16:38] Friend: and you’re going to marry this girl?
[16:38] Me: I dunno, thinkin bout it
[16:38] Me: I’ve still got 7 weeks to decide, kinda like an expiration date, I think she turns into a pumpkin if I don’t by then
[16:38] *** Friend direct connection is closed (couldn’t send packet!).
[16:39] Me: still there?
[16:39] Friend: yeah
[16:39] Friend: i’m just confused as hell
[16:39] Me: that’s what I like to hear when I fuck with people hehe
[16:40] Me: 😛
[16:40] Friend: jerk
[16:40] Me: lol


Suddenly I Want a Pontiac

March 14, 2008

I Welcome Our Robot Overlords

March 6, 2008


So I’ve been having a lot of people ask me about my Roomba since having posted the video you see below this post.  Everyone wants to know, “How do you like it?”  Well I gotta say, I love it.

I got my Roomba about a year ago from   Great site btw.  So I brought my Roomba home and of course had to let him loose.  I refer to my Roomba as a him, even though I tend to give inanimate objects female names, I figure calling a robot that cleans my floor a girl is a little demeaning.  His name is Dinky, because he dinks around the apartment and cleans.

Overall I’ve been really happy with my Roomba.  One thing to note is that I have a black rug in the middle of my living room.  A feature on the Roomba that is cool is that it has cliff sensors so it can tell if it’s about to fall down the stairs.  Well the problem I had was that when Dinky would get onto the rug, he would start freaking out.  Looked like he was having a seizure, backing up and moving forward rapidly all the while still moving slowly backwards.  Did a quick search online and found that this happens on black carpeting because the cliff sensors think it’s about to fall and since it’s black everywhere, he just freaks the fuck out.  I was able to solve this by taping over the cliff sensors.  This works for me because I don’t have any drops to have to worry about.

So once this problem was solved it’s been smooth sailing.  I turn Dinky loose a couple times a week and he does a really good job.  When he’s done cleaning, he just heads back to his base station and charges.

Recently I’ve been having a problem with the spot cleaning function.   What it is supposed to do is the Roomba is supposed to slowly go in circles in a 3 foot radius from it’s start point and then back again.  For some reason, just recently, he’ll get about a foot and a half and then just radically change directions.  He doesn’t do it all the time but enough to be annoying.

In Dinky’s defense, I don’t really clean him out as often as I probably should.  And by clean him out I mean take apart the rollers and clean the sensors.   I highly recommend one of these to anyone who is interested.

And for those nay sayers who think that robots will revolt and enslave us I have this to say…  I for one welcome our new robot overlords and hope that I can serve them proudly.  I treat Dinky really well in hopes that someday when he does become self aware, he will remember I treated him kindly and be cool with me.



March 4, 2008